


"What the hell happened to us, Dan??"

by Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Anger, Angst, Bulimia, Depression, Loneliness, M/M, Misunderstandings, Neglectful relationship, Non-Graphic Smut, Please Don't Hate Me, Relationship Issues, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Toxic Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8721775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire/pseuds/Allamazingfandomsarenotonfire
Summary: Dan and Phils relationship is toxic.They show how a misunderstanding could ruin their relationship.Ruin each other...And quiet possibly take a life.





	

"Hey, Danny" Phil smiled before he kissed him on top of the head.

"Hey Phil." Dan said plainly, not breaking eye contact with his laptop. He just continued scrolling on tumblr.

"Ok. Good talk." Phil said with a sigh as he went back to his room and slammed the door.

Dan's been pretty out of it lately. He hasn't posted a video in almost four months, he hasn't been communicating with Phil either. Let alone anyone else for that matter.

Once he heard the door slam, he sprinted to the bathroom and purged.

**Dan's POV**

_"You're just like a pillow."_ He remembered Phil saying with a smile as he nuzzled his face into Dan's tummy.

He meant it in a good way, of course, but Dan didn't see it that way.

"You're _disgusting_." He said to his reflection.

"You don't want Phil leaving, right? Right. So you need to be skinnier. Healthier. Phil wont stay with a chubby, gross pile of trash like you, will he? No. So you better do something about it." He said before going back and purging more and more until there was nothing left in his stomach.

He couldn't risk Phil seeing him yet, so he resorted to cutting him off for now.  
_Until he's thin enough._

"You have to eat or he'll become suspicious. If he finds out you're fucked up in the head, he'll leave then, too. So you need to keep it low key."

He took off his shirt and looked in the mirror.

"Let's see where three months has gotten us, aye?"

His reflection is the only thing he's been talking to lately.

_And it usually isn't friendly._

He stepped on the scale.

"101.2"

"Ugh. Disgusting." He said as he shook his head.

"Let's see if another month or so helps." He thought to himself before he put his shirt back on then walked to his room and laid in bed.

**Phil's POV**

"You're so stupid" Dan said with a chuckle. "Go away." He stretched as he rolled over in his bed.

"Goodnight, Philly. I love you." He said as he looked back, but Phil didnt hear.  
_He was already long gone._

This was a few days before this whole thing started.

Dan meant it as a joke, he was tired and Phil made a ridiculous pun.

But Phil thought otherwise.

"You can't do _anything_ right." He thought to himself.

"Dan's right. You're stupid. _Worthless_. That's why he told you to go away. That's why he doesn't sleep next to you anymore. That's why he doesn't talk to you anymore.  
He doesn't love you anymore.  
He _never did_.  
And Its all _your fault_."

He let out a shakey breath.

He pulled out a small box from under his pillow.

"You dont deserve _happiness_." He whispered as he opened the box.

"You don't deserve _love_." He whispered as he pulled the shiny object from inside.

"You don't deserve **_Dan_**." He said as he stared at the small piece of metal for a moment.

"But you deserve _this_." He said harshly as he tore through his skin with it.

He tore and tore until he was a sobbing mess, bleeding all over himself.

Hes done this every night since he left Dan's room that night. He's running out of room..

_Because its what he deserved._

**Third person POV**

They both laid in their beds and sobbed at the same.

They both whispered eachothers names at the same time.

They both longed for eachothers touch at the same time.

They both longed for love at the same time.

 _And neither of them knew._  
*****

The next morning they ran into each other in the hall. They avoided eye contact as they walked into the kitchen.

Phil silently made coffee.

Dan silently got a glass of water.

Phil awkwardly smiled and waited for Dan to say something.

_Look at us. We were once inseparable lovers less than half a year ago, but now we're acting like complete strangers._

Dan didn't make eye contact. He just sat quietly.

Phil just gave up at that point and threw his favorite mug at the wall, shattering it and spilling coffee _everywhere_.

He looked at Dan with pain and rejection in his eyes.. Dan with fear and confusion.

Phil just sucked in a sharp breath, then walked quickly to his room holding in his tears and slammed the door. Then locked it behind him.

Dan sighed and went to his room, too. He held in his sobs until his face was buried into his pillow.

_"Why wont you accept me anymore, Dan???"_

_"Why don't you love me anymore, Phil???"_  
******

_Its been six months._

_Things have gotten worse._

They started talking again.. But its only been arguments.

"Stop eating my damn cereal, Phil! You didn't pay for it!"

"Its been there for two months! You haven't touched it, and I'm not letting it go to waste!"

"Just because I don't eat it doesn't mean you can!"

Their arguments are petty.

They always argue about the dumbest things. Like their cereal, who's shirt is who's, things that don't really matter.

What they should be worried about is each other.

_One day it got out of hand._

"I'm so fucking tired of you, Philip!"

"Then why dont you leave?!"

"Because this is my flat, too!"

"Then stop complaining! You think I'm not tired of you, too?! Because I am!"

"Fine! _I never loved you anyway!_ "

That last comment hung in the air..

Everything went still for a few moments.

 _"I knew it."_ Phil said quietly. He scoffed. Tears forming in the corners of his eyes and quickly flowing down.

Dan stepped towards Phil. "Wait.. Phil I-"

" _Don't_." He said turning his head away and putting his hands up, motioning Dan to step back.

_But Dan got a glimpse up Phil's sleeve._

"You've said enough."

Dan's eyes were wide. "Phil-"

" _You ever wonder if I never loved you?_ " Phil said as his voice cracked, making eye contact with him. _He knew he didn't mean what he said.. But he was trying to hurt Dan the way Dan had just hurt him._

"Don't think I haven't noticed your weight, Dan. Don't think I haven't noticed how revolting I am to you."

Dan had pain and regret in his eyes.

Phil had anger and hatred in his.

Phil just turned away and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Dan walked to the bathroom door.

"Phil... Phil I'm sorry. I-" he began to apologize when he heard a thud.

"Phil?"

No answer.

_His arms._

_The look in his eyes._

_What he was saying._

_The way his voice cracked.._

_He knew what Phil was up to._

**_Oh god._ **

"Phil! Phil open the door! Phil I'm sorry! Please let me in!..." He sobbed against the door.

"I'm sorry too D-Dan" he heard Phil whisper weakly after a may ment of silence.

"Phil? Phil! Phil can you reach the lock!!?"

"N-No." _He was getting weaker._

Phil could hear distant banging as Dan slammed against the door over and over again until it gave into the great force as he barreled through it.

Dan stumbled into the bathroom that had Phil next to an empty bottle of pills on the cold tile floor.

Without second thought, he jammed his fingers down Phil's throat, forcing over fifty pills from his stomach.

_He got there on time._

_Phil would be ok._

Dan cradled Phil in his arms as he began to regain full consciousness.

They both sobbed together on the bathroom tiles.

" _What the hell h-happened to us, Dan???_ " Phil asked in a hurt, shakey tone.

"I don't know... _I don't know..._ " Is all Dan said as they sobbed closely and held each other for hours.  
*****

They talked about those nights.

The night when Dan told Phil to go away.

The night Phil said Dan was like a pillow.

They explained what they meant.  
They apologized.

"Phil, I said I love you but when I turned around you were already gone. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean it that way. You're the smartest person I know. I love your puns, no matter how cringy" Dan chuckled, earning a smile from Phil.

"Danny, when I said you felt like a pillow, I meant you make me feel comfortable. Your weight has nothing to do with it. I love you. I should have said it differently.. Your body has always been perfect no matter what. We're going to start helping you eat, ok?"

"Ok." Dan smiled.  
***

Dan drew a warm bath while Phil was napping in his Dan's bed. He awoke Phil and lead him to the tub.

He helped him undress and whimpered at what he saw..

 _Hundreds of wounds._ Both fresh and scarred over.

He covered his mouth with his hands and let out a quiet sob before he pulled Phil into a hug.

" _Please never hurt yourself again._ " He whispered.

He helped him bathe, he felt his heart break every time Phil winced when water ran over his body.

After he washed the dried blood, sweat and tears from Phil's body, he helped him dress.

He brought him to his room.

"Are we sleeping in here tonight?" Phil asked.

"Of course. Only if you want to.. I've missed you so much.." Dan whispered as he pulled him into another hug. Then Phil gently kissed his dried, chapped lips.

" _I've missed you, too_."

Next thing you know, Phil is pulling off his own shirt, reconnecting his lips to Dan's. He pulled off Dan's shirt and stopped in his tracks.

"Oh _Dan_..." He said gently.

Dan stood and stared at Phil with tears in his eyes as Phil traced every one of Dan's ribs gently with his finger tips.

He touched his hip bones and broke down into tears.

"Danny... I didn't know it was this bad..." Then he collapsed to his knees and sobbed into his hands.

"I was supposed to _protect_ you" he cries "I was supposed to keep you from danger and _I failed you!_ "

Dan knelt down, too. He pulled Phil's hands from his eyes and tilted his quivering chin up to make eye contact with him.

"If anything, _we failed each other._ We both let each other get hurt. But we can get past this." Dan pecked Phil's lips.

" _Together_."

Phil pulled him back into a kiss and melted into him.

_They showed their love for eachother for the first time in almost a year that night._

They proved that they cared.

They proved there was never a doubt that their hearts belong to each other and _only_ each other.

They took their _frustration_ , their _anger_ , their _sorrow_ , their _hate_ , their _love_ , and their _issues_ out on each other that night.

Tangled in _the sheets,_ in _each other._

**_Sweating._ **

**_Heavy breathing._ **

**_Profanity._ **

They were lost in _pleasure, pain,_ and _lust._

Completely lost in each other.

**_Tears._ **

**_Whimpers._ **

**_Passion._ **

But most of all, they _loved._

They _appreciated._

They _adored._

_They held each other closer than they thought possible._

They were under each others _protection._

**_Love bites._ **

**_Scratches._ **

**_Heart ache._ **

They showed each other how much they missed each other that night.

They forgot _everything else._

They were in their _own_ world.

Of _Dan and Phil._

They _loved_ for the first time in what felt like eternity that night _._

**_Kisses._ **

**_Sweet words._ **

**_....Healing._ **


End file.
